Tag Archives: Vinnie

January 5th

On this day in 1945 while war still raged in Europe and the far East, while rationing was at its height and the British were living off of powdered eggs and a little fingernail piece of butter a year, something rather wonderful happened in the US of A.

A Chuck Jones cartoon for Warner Brothers was shown for the first time. It was called Odor-Able Kitty. It featured a character called Stinky who fell in live with a male cat who was disguised as a skunk (complete with odour of Limburger) with comical consequences. The character proved rather popular and went on to star in a number of cartoons, including:

Cats and Skunks do not make for a happy couple

Have you guessed who it is yet? If I tell you that he also appeared in a cartoon called Little Beau Pepé you’ll know right away, that Stinky was the first name given to Pepé Le Pew, the skunk who spent his life falling in love with female cats who’d got some white paint on their backs and then had to try to get away from a skunk who didn’t understand the words “no” or “non” or very probably “get your stinky f**king body off me!”

Pepé is not everyone’s cup of tea. He’s no Tom Cat or Jerry Mouse and his stories are all very much the same. He meets cat, he pursues cat like a great big sex pest, he smells bad, he does not get cat. But, all of that aside, he is my cup of tea. Pepé never failed to make me laugh when I was a child and I still love him now, even though he’s beyond well dodgy. Part of the love comes from the wonderful voice, given to him my Mel Blanc doing a rather wonderful impersonation of Charles Boyer from the  1938 film Algiers. If you want to argue with me and tell me that Pepé’s voice was based on Maurice Chevalier, then I will fight you because you are wrong and I, am ever, as right.
So, that was this day, mes amis, that just as the war was entering its

Don't lets ask for the skunk, Pepé, we have the Limberger

final countdown (if I’ve given you a Europe earworm … hahaha!), a little French Skunk entered the world of cartoons and became the horror of pretty little kitties everywhere.

And now, La Marseilliaise! Allons enfants de la Patrie, Le jour de gloire est arrivé! 
Er, maybe not. That anthem’s a tiny bit violent. Á bientôt!
Today is the birthday of former footballer, “actor”, alleged hard man and annoying twat, Vincent “Vinnie” Jones.
To those reading outside of the UK, Vinnie may be a twat you are unaware of. I envy you. He was a professional footballer in the 1980s and 1990s. Throughout his career he was a dirty player and never quite as good as he wanted to be. He was always more famous for his dodgy fouls than he was for any real skill. He was too shit to play for England, which was going some in the 80s, so eventually he made himself Welsh and played as Captain of the Welsh team. I’ve always thought this was unfair. While the Welsh team have never done that well on the international stage, even they were too good to have to have a no-mark git like Jones as their captain.
When he was still playing football he also put out a video called

Fugly man still playing it "hard" after all these years.

“Hardmen of Football” which showed him and others being violent bastards on the pitch and gave advice to wannabe hardmen. Which was nice. He was banned from playing for six months (I think his team did better without him and even if they didn’t, they probably felt like they did) and he was fined £20,000 for bringing the game into disrepute.

When he finished playing most of us hoped we’d never have to look at his decidedly ugly face again or hear him giving it large. Unluckily for us, Vinnie decided he was going to be an actor and noted Mockney wanker Guy Ritchie (for those of you who don’t know, he comes from a proper posh family and goes around pretending he’s a right proper eastender. He makes me wish the Krays were still alive to show him from hard. They could probably take out Vinnie at the same time) gave him a part in one of his many “gangster films”. Vinnie played himself, or what he thought was himself, as I suspect he’s about has hard as the penis of an 85 year old man who’s run out of Viagra.
If there is anyone in the world who actually likes Vinnie Jones and finds him funny, you have my sympathy and  my advice that you please go to the hospital and have a brain transplant.
And that is all. I am not going to wish you happy birthday, Vinnie Jones, because you are an ugly untalented shithead who is part of everything that is wrong with the world we live in. My present to you is a finger. Given that you live in LA these days, I’m sure you can figure out what that means.
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