May 31st

On this day in 1531 there was an uprising in Amsterdam. Women revolted. It was the Women’s Revolt.

One of the revolting women offering the burgermeesters her special cheese

When I first read this, I was rather excited. Feminism in action in the Netherlands in the 16th century?! Get in! Alas, I was disappointed. The women were revolting about a wool house in a churchyard. That in itself might still have been all about the sisters doing it for themselves and if I’m being fair, I suppose they were, but rather than it being about their rights or about economic hardship or bad social conditions or, well anything like that, it was all about some alleged holy bloke, who’d crawled into the churchyard back in 1345. He was dying and given communion, which being all weak and dying, he vomited back up. The vomit was thrown on a fire and then in the morning, it was all back whole and host shaped again.

Well, that was obviously a miracle, so when the burgermeesters decided to put a wool house there they were all really rather cross and asked the burgermeesters  to please not to build a house of commerce on a holy spot. The burgermeesters, rather like the honey badger, didn’t give a shit. So, then the women of the city got together a petition, a pretty damn big one at that, where nearly all the names were real (they did hide a few pretend names like Minnie Mouse and Eleanor Roosevelt, but as they hadn’t been born or created yet, the burgermeesters were none the wiser) and they handed it in. The burgermeesters read it and were all “Yeah, that’s nice and that, but piss off ladies we have work to do.” That’s right, they just went right ahead and dug the foundations for the wool house.

Well, the women were not happy at all and on the night of the 31st when the builders had all gone home for the night, 300 women got into the churchyard and put all the dirt that had been dug, back in the ground and flicked the Vs at the burgermeesters. And that, dear readers, was their revolt.  Not stunningly exciting and all in the name of some holy vomit, but those sisters did it for themselves and the burgermeesters were left defeated. For the time being at least.

 

Today is the birthday of Brooke Shields.

Brooke found fame as a child when she was all sexualised and played a child in a brothel in the Louis Malle film, Pretty Baby. She was 12 years old and doing nuddy shots, which is a bit off really. When she was 14 she did the Calvin Klein jeansadverts (Tagline: “You want to

Despite her age, Brooke still has big lips and bushy eyebrows

know what comes between me and my Calvin’s? Nothing”) and was pretty much in the public eye for the next decade, famous for being the sexualised virgin. She was a virgin until the age of 22.

Her career pretty much tapered off in the 90s, although she’s continued to do TV and stage work. Despite this, she still remains a big name and a recognisable celebrity. Personally, I’ve never had that high of an opinion of her, but when she had post-natal depression and Tom Cruise was giving it all “Oh she’s a bad woman, drugs are bad mmkay and PND isn’t even real”, I loved her for socking it to him hard and good. The fact that she then accepted his private apology and then went to his wedding makes me think she’s a bit of a dick though.

Anyway! She’s looking good, she seems to be happy, life has treated her well and the early dodgy stuff doesn’t seem to have damaged her too much, so fair fucks to her. Happy birthday Brooke Shields. That is all.

Oh, nearly all! If you’re going to click on one link here and you haven’t already seen the honey badger, click on that. It’s aces and, indeed, skill.